|||||panic! at the disco||]|
once upon a time there was a stapler named bob. bob lived in an office building. he stapled executive documents. it was a mundane life, but the after hours parties with the tape and pens and nameplates made it all worth it. almost every night, bob would get smashed out of his imagination from Martha the Letter Opener's killer martinis. One morning, however, after a wild night that left bent staples all over the desk, he was stapling some memos with a killer hangover when he noticed something fishy. there were little holes next to where the staples were. when the CEO went to grab a cup of coffee, bob looked in a mirror kept on the desk. he was shocked to notice that he had fangs creeping from his mouth. they looked quite deadly. and then... he heard a voice coming from deep within the bowels of that metal spring thingy that makes staplers stay together. "BITE THE CEO. BITE HIM IN THE PANTS. AND THEN EAT HIS HAIR. YOU WILL GROW STRONG. OBEY, BOB, OBEY." at first, bob was frightened. "NO," he thought. "I am a noble stapler! soon i will retire and be able to play golf in a florida landfill with other broken staplers!" but the voice would not hush the fuck up. "OBEY, BOB, OBEY, OR I WILL SEND MY PANTSMONSTERS AFTER YOU." "NOOOOOOOO," he said out loud, "NOT THE PANTSMONSTERS!!!" soon, bob was under total control of the voice. the ceo walked into his office. but bob lept up, ripping a hole in the man's pinstripe pants. "NOOOOOOOOO, NOT MY PANTS!" screamed the ceo. Doris the secretary came running, but it was too late. without his pants intact, the man was soon dead on the floor. Bob leapt to where his balding head lay and furiously stapled his way through the gray hair. all this time, something in bob was telling him to stop, but it was too weak to do any good. the hair began to work. bob suddenly convulsed and writhed on the floor, much to doris's shock, because most secretaries have never seen a stapler commit a homicide. he grew and grew, his eyes becoming venom-red and his fangs becoming sharp enough to make a t-rex scared. Doris went to tell the world... but it was too late. The wrath of Bob had already begun. TO BE CONTINUED...